| This is for you, i'm too much of a pussy to actually fully click on your damn screen name, or pick up a phone and dial those seven digits.
Dear Sara,
I didn't mean to break into your privacy, but somehow i knew you'd have feelings for me that i wouldn't even find out about. You wrote something about how you told Conlan you didn't want to be like me by having a relationship that is based off of sex, and rush into things too fast. That made me think of the word "slut". Also you saying that you have to keep fixing Nick and I...that makes me feel like you do all the work in my relationship. We don't fight that often, sure we fight a lot, and you hear a lot about it, but i don't ask you to fix my relationship. So i don't' expect you to.
I am sorry for doing that, and i'm sorry that it had to cause this, but sooner or later i would have found out, and i just don't really know where this is going.
Reading your latest journal entry, the one you left not private, made me cry. I just broke down. You are my best friend, and i know you care about me, and i know that you love me. So many people envy us because of what we have, i'm told over and over that we have a very unique relationship. I'm told that people wish they had a relationship like we do. I love that about us. I love how we can stand out in a crowd and people will realize how awesome of a friendship we have. You and i have gone through so much shit together, and every time we always find ourselves right next to each other, smiling, taking stupid myspace pictures. We always end up happy together again. I've never EVER had someone stay by me through so much shit. For example, Stephanie, my very first best friend walked away after a few fights, she left me for a guy, and you and i have had that fight, the one of a guy interfering with our relationship...but we made it through it. That meant so much to me. After losing Stephanie i thought i'd never really have another best friend. But i did, i found you, we became close and best friends. I have always loved you, and i've always trusted you. I never thought i'd be that bad of a person for you to say these things about, but i also understand that when we get angry we say things we don't necessarily mean. And i understand that most of that is venting. And i am sorry for making it seem so much more than that. I really am.
I was so set on thinking that leaving you would make you so much happier. But since your entry i feel like you couldn't be alright without me. I love you Sara, you're my best friend and i really am not willing to give up on this. You're far more important to me to just get up and leave you. Please forgive me? Maybe still go to registration with me tomorrow? haha. |
